Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
