Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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