i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
