I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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