I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
