which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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