i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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