I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
