He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
