dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
