Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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