And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize