So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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