Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
