Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He better not be in your backpack
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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