If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
