Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
