Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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