he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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