I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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