Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
