apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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