I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You pole danced in your parka.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
