u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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