i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
