I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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