i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
