Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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