I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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