yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
