my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
