you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Rumble strips road head = magical
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
