I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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