Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
