you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
