I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
