worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
