Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
