Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
