I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
