I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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