alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
