i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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