I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
