Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
