how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
