I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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