Life is so much better after having sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why can't burritos get me drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
