Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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