And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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