I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
