Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
