Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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