I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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