we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
