There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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