I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize