Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
