Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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