I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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