He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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