Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
