I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
