In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
