So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
