I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
